A Crossroads

1 Peter 5:7 (NIV) Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

I’ve entered into a period of uncertainty in my life. Since coming to God and choosing the narrow path, I’ve changed a great many things. I quit smoking. I’ve worked on letting go of my sexual immorality. I’m trying to eat healthier and live healthier. I’ve actively started to consciously clean up my “sailor mouth” (lot of work to do there).

I’ve also begun to see things differently.

Colossians 3:1 (NIV) Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.

Setting my heart on things above. Letting go of earthly things, desires, and concerns. Now that’s a tough one. Especially for me. I was always someone that needed to control EVERYTHING. I could only take comfort in knowing what was coming the next day, and if there was any uncertainty, I would suffer major anxiety and depression. And my usual reaction was… well, an overreaction.

Job 10:18 (NIV) “Why then did you bring me out of the womb? I wish I had died before any eye saw me.

Again, Job speaks to my heart. And again, Job had a REASON to feel this way. I did not. And I understand that now. And I feel that after studying Job some more, I will come to an understanding of the purpose of suffering.

But with my newfound vision set upon the heavens and God’s kingdom, I’ve grown weary of earthly concerns. And while this gives me a great comfort while I am here, it has also put me at a crossroads of sorts. I now feel that I spend the majority of my time doing meaningless work. And I don’t know that I can continue in my current job.

I certainly don’t WANT to leave my company. They’ve treated me pretty well, given me a family-first career, plenty of PTO options, a good salary with benefits and a great many advancement opportunities. But I also feel like the work itself is meaningless and without any REAL purpose, apart from a source of income. And because of this, I spend many of my days feeling… unfulfilled.

As of right now, though, I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. I know what gives me great happiness is spending time with my wife, or my family. Taking walks, studying scripture, playing my games, walking my dogs. I’ve gotten to spend a great deal of time with my mom lately, and that’s been wonderful, and I KNOW that we were meant to move back down this way to be closer to her so we can take care of her as she enters her twilight years.

But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about my job. If I am simply in a slump and it’ll pass, or if I am, indeed, supposed to look elsewhere. Perhaps our own business, or even something within a church. I simply don’t know.

And so I ask this day, Lord God, for guidance and clarity. I place this burden in Your capable hands and trust that You will guide me to the correct path and occupation I am meant to pursue. I pray for Your continued presence in my life and the soothing quality of Your touch. Both my wife and I have benefited SO much from following Your prescribed plan, and we can only be endlessly thankful to You for bestowing these boons upon us through your infinite grace and patience. May our actions, words, and thoughts continue to further your Glory, Lord God.

AMEN.